Sunday, January 3, 2010

Because God Broke Me

You know what I have begun to realize? Nothing is about me.
I don't take beautiful pictures. I do not do anything. God is doing it all.
My life is not my own. I do not make plans for my life, I don't figure things out. God does it.

I am in love with God. I need to fall more in love with God.
Think of this-
God gave me His only son. He gave Him to us, so that we can be forgiven. Jesus gave up His life for me, a human being, who has done nothing but disappoint God time and time again.
Now is my time.

I owe God my life. I owe Him every ounce I have. He created me, to love Him, and to be with Him. And what did I do? I went out, and did everything I was told not to. I disobeyed my parents, I used my body for things that they shouldn't be used for, I treated myself like crap. And God found me.
Can you believe that?
I was broken, I was hurt, I was used, I was nothing. God found me.
I hurt God. It breaks me to think about that. I broke God's heart. Every time that I ran away from Him, He was hurt and broken. He does this all the time, but to think about ME, my very self, breaking God's heart, that brings me to tears. That hurts.

I have had enough of thinking about me. I am finished doing MY plan, doing what I want, and following my head.
My head tells me to fall in love with someone. My head tells me to leave. My head tells me to do whatever the heck I want.
Guess what? My head is not what I need to be thinking with, I need to be thinking with my heart. God is in my heart, and my heart is what is continuing to bring me closer to Him and His plan for me.
My life has been one big huge mess. Know why? Because I have done everything according my plan, and what I want done. My dreams have only caused me to get farther and farther from God. They got me to accept "just one drink" as okay. They got me to accept "just one smoke" as okay. They got me to accept "just one drug" as okay. They got me to accept "he loves me, he cares about me, you just need to show him" as okay.
My plans have screwed me up.
As soon as I was rid of my pride, and able to accept that there is something better for me, my life is changed.
I am breaking for what breaks God. My eyes have been opened up to what God sees. God is using me for great things.
I have to live with my mistakes everyday.
But my past is not a place of residence, it is a place of reference. I will not go back there.
Every once in a while, I get down about things, about how I wish I was doing this instead of that. That instead of this.
And then I remember where that got me.
I am a broken person.
Like a piece of paper that has been crumpled, I will never be completely flattened out again.
But I am happy now. I am in love with my Father. I am filled with the greatest amount of joy because of the simplest things.
Because God broke me.


augustine said...


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