Friday, January 15, 2010

I Love You Enough To Let You Go

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Nobody said this was easy....
My mind is overwhelmed. As if a volcano has erupted in my head, and none of my holes are letting it out.
This is good, and this is bad.
I claim to be fine with change. Truth is, I lied.
One last hug before he leaves. I am filled with an overwhelming desire to not let him go. Each hug springs a new burning in my nose. I told myself I wouldn't cry. I lied. My tears filled up and I would not let them spill over. He's going for God, and His glory. God wants him there, needs him there. Let him go. What a strong impact he's had on my life, and I've only known him for a few months. God is in this man-there is no denying that. My feet begin to move slower as I take it all in. His hugs to his family breaks me. We move to the second level to watch him walk out. There he is. Avoiding us all, because he's trying to avoid the tears that would come with it. God, he's in Your hands now. Your will be done. Keep him safe. A tear falls as he walks through the gate. My heart hurts.
I love you enough to let you go.
God loves.
God loves.
God loves.
There is no way to explain the vast expanse of love He has for us as human beings. The love we feel for the people we love the most...that's nothing compared to His love. God loves us so much, He will take us back when we deny Him. He loves us so much, He gave His son for us. He loves us so much, that He gives each and every one of us a second chance.
I'm going through SO much right now. So much learning that is going on. So much renewing and restoring. My heart is completely different than it was even 4 months ago. It hurts. As a human being, I am hurt by people leaving me, whether their intention is to leave or not. But as a Godly woman, I am unafraid for what is to come. I know He has extravagant plans for each person, as long as we are able to listen and hear where He is calling us to go, and to be.
My whole everything hurts.
But guess what?
It's the best hurt I've experienced.
I am hurting for my Jesus, who died upon the cross for my ugliness, for my sins.

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