Wednesday, December 30, 2009

I am.

These thoughts are like an ocean. I am treading water, but the waves keep crashing over me. Struggling not to sink. I am lost, but I am not alone. My thoughts are a never-ending ocean, no matter how hard I try, I am unable to reach the shore.

I see.

I think.

I feel.

I am completely humbled by God. His words penetrate my soul-my very being. It's impossible for me to understand the way He works. It is impossible for me to know Him completely. He is full of surprises. I feel as if I was only just born, and I must change everything I know. Instead of speaking in babbles, I must use full words. Instead of drinking formula, I am fed meat. I am no longer afraid. I am not scared to fall, because I know I will be picked up. I am not scared to be broken. The only thing that comes from brokenness is healing. I am not afraid to give up every aspect of my life to Him. I need to be broken in order to be healed. I must grow wings before I fly. I need truth before I am free.

Each day I grow.

I am no longer new born, but am taking my first steps. I stumble and fall, because my legs are weak. But my father continues to pick me up. I know He will never leave, even when my legs are strong. He's still holding my hand, helping me to get closer to my goal of home.

I am complete.

I am not expecting the world to give me anything. I do not need guys. I do not need alcohol. I do not need drugs. I do not need anything except for God, and His word. My life is complete because He made it that way. He finished me. He completed the empty hole in me, and He isn't leaving.

I am a photographer.

I do not rely on equipment to make me good. My eyes see things I never saw before. My life is lived through a lens. Even when my camera is not in front of my face, I see things in photos. God has given me clients, and more will come in His time, not mine.

I am a child of GOD.

My life is lived by His rules, His word. I see people through His eyes rather than my own. My heart belongs to Him. Every situation is thought through more carefully than before. I seek His wisdom, and rely on Him, because He's the only thing I've got. I am His.

I am alive.

I was living dead. I was broken, scared, and alone. I ignored Him every time He called on me. My breath was wasted on worthless words. My heart was beating for no purpose.

He sought me out, and He breathed life into me. I did not find Him. When I hid, when I ran away, He found me. I had nothing else so I took a leap of faith. I do not regret the decision because He has blessed me, broken me, and healed me. Not only am I now alive, I am new.

I am Melodie.

Photos. Art. Creativity. Mashed up words. Great brain farts. Hobo. Fashion all my own. Beautiful. Complete. Growing. Child of God. Worthy. Blessed.

I am everything I was meant to be from the beginning. God took my mistakes, and made them beautiful.

I will do nothing but praise and worship my God until the day that I die, and am able to go home to Him. I have been given a second chance, and I am not willing to give it up for anything.

Thank you, God.


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