Monday, December 7, 2009


As of late, I've been feeling feelings of...uselessness. Well, maybe not that word, to that extent. I just don't feel enough. Members of my family are very outgoing. They're loud, and crazy, and very friendly. But me, I'm quiet. I like to observe, and pounce on certain opportunities. But to me, talking has never been my forte. I don't like talking on the phone, I don't like talking out-loud, unless I have stories to share. I like to watch, to see, and to capture. I remember moments in pictures, not words. The words I have to say are better formed on paper than anywhere else. There, I can erase; There, I can change.

Since I don't talk on a regular basis, I seem to get pushed aside. Sitting back, being unnoticed. I like not being noticed, since my entire life before was about getting noticed. But still, I would like for someone to see me for once. To know me. I feel like my family often gets attention. They make friends easier, they get closer to people than I usually do. I, I sit back and watch, and hug, and observe. That is my purpose.

Lately, I'm feeling as if that is not enough.

And then I read Romans 9:20-21

But who are you, O man, to talk back to God? "Shall what is formed say to him who formed it, 'Why did you make me like this?' " Does not the potter have the right to make out of the same lump of clay some pottery for noble purposes and some for common use?

God has made me exactly how He wants me to be. He has his own purpose for me. He has his own plan for me. My sisters and I are completely different. They are loud, and outgoing. I am quiet, and observant. God has plans for me to change lives, but in my own time, in my own way.

Whether I write my words, or say my words, He will use my words for His glory, as long as I allow Him to do so.


Chris Mueller said...

haha, thats funny, I was just talking to Audrey about this the other day. We were talking about the different ways people think.

I totally understand this because I'm the exact same way. God made me to think visually. I think to myself in images, colors and textures. And that makes it hard to communicate with my mouth. It takes a long time for me to get my point across because I have to interpret the vision in my head into audible words. And because of that, sometimes I just keep my mouth shut. I think it's a really frustrating feeling too. You feel like you'll be forgotten if you don't say something.
Being able to interpret those thoughts into words is something that is learned through trial and error, something that gets easier in time.

I totally get how it's easier to write things than say them too. I feel like I never have the right thing to say until a conversation is over. I get so mad at myself, wishing I would have thought of it when I was actually talking to the person. Thats why I like writing. It gives you time to think. It gives you time to create, transform, and perfect the way you want to say something.

This way that you think……
The way that God made you……
It's the very thing that will make you such an incredible photographer.

God made you think visually…
So that God could speak to you visually…
So that you can express yourself visually…

Photography is just a tool. It's something that anyone can learn with a little bit of time and effort.

But YOU will stand out.
And you will not go unnoticed.

xomichaela said...

I get you with the writing thing. I mean, sure I talk a lot anyway, but I don't really /say/ anything, not usually, not unless it's not face-to-face. You know?

sdjfdklfj;adls. And I'm sorry for giving you a hard time at youth group last week. I think you're completely beautiful how you are.

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