It seems like I blog most when I'm trying not to blog. And when I make it a goal to blog more, I go a long amount of time posting nothing. Forgive me, I'm not used to having the role of a "blogger".

As far as fashion goes, I feel like I've been dressing more how I want to, rather than the grungiest jeans and t-shirt I can find. More dresses, etc.
Chris has become quite the great shopper lately too. Here's a couple photos from our date the other day.

Some things have been hitting home lately. I've been diving deep into who I am as a person, and the things I am longing to live out. I'm taking chances, and trying new things. But at the same time I am soaking up the bits of life that are average and normal. Trying to get into the swing of things as a person, and fall in love with average again. Ya know?

Just wanted to share a post about a song that I love.
It's called "Walk Through Hell" by Say Anything. I first heard this song years ago, from a dear friend, and have forever loved it. Whenever it comes on I belt out the words, and can't help but sing it for hours after I've heard the song.
Today, as it came through my shuffled iPod, and as I was belting out every single word by heart, I pondered why this song has always, and will always, be a favorite of mine.
I mean, really, it gives me goosebumps.  All it is is another silly love song!!

But as I  was singing the words of a man wanting to redeem the woman he loves from the "empty little dreams" of people around her, I realized the story that it is saying to my soul.
This is a story of Jesus Christ. He went through what we could call hell in order to save us. He said to us that his soles are useless without us, so He would walk through hell for us.

Okay. Maybe it's a cheesy way to look at the song. I know some people don't like taking "secular" music and turning them into Christian ones. But if you see the depth of this song, and it's entirety, there's a story we don't even understand there. This girl in the song is longing to be saved, even if she doesn't know it yet. This man in the song is desperate for her attention, begging for her to come back to him, to the person she was made to be.

If you haven't heard it, give it a listen.



p.s. be on the lookout for another blog post this weekend about a magical adventure I will be embarking on!

I'm not doing very well on this whole blogging thing, am I?
I have a lot of things on my mind, so I'm just going to go for it to get them out of my head before I can sleep. They're not bad things, but simply things that I will continue thinking "I should have blogged/written about (insert topic)" so much so that I can't sleep.


To begin, an "outfit post". I know you might not like me for this, because it's a mirror picture I took before I went out. I could say something like, "I didn't have time" or whatever. But the truth is I was a little embarrassed. It's hard to get back in the self-portrait game. Especially when this time it's all about what I'm looking like.

coat-thrifted, sweater- sister's closet, shirt- Charlotte Russe (I think...), pants- sister's closet, shoes- Goodwill

I also got a haircut with Christopher at Floyd's the other day. If you live anywhere near a Floyd's, go. It's such a fun experience. Especially when a haircut is made into a date night!!

School has four days left. It'll be nice to say I have a year of college under my belt at sixteen, but at the same time, has it done anything for me except make me tired and cranky? I'm not sure what it is I'm expected to learn, but I'm still waiting around for it with open arms. Maybe it is simply to learn about the human lives around me, and the insanity some of them have instilled in their brains as truth. Who knows.

Christopher made our first reservation for A Really Big Adventure tonight. I almost cried. When all this began, it was just a silly idea I would do "someday". But it is here and now and beyond real. I am so excited for all the things to come.

Speaking of our adventure, we're going to California. And before I go, these swimsuits are calling my name a little.

(click photos for link)

Anyone know of any place to find really great vintage style swimsuits? I want something super cute, and a little more modest than what you can find in a lot of store these days! :)

On a whole 'nother note, Chris showed me this series that is inspiring me in so many ways.

I've been thinking about all the things we overlook, and the things we once called "special" that turn into norms. I remember the first time I took pictures, and the thrill it gave me to take one that I thought was just really good. I remember how excited and passionate I was to be taking these pictures! But now- I often look over it, and don't think twice. It's habit and routine. It's such a wake-up call to be seeing that something that is so close to my heart and being becoming something so mundane and routine. I'm going to be doing this for the rest of my life.

So, it's my goal to go back to the beginning. Remember where I was. How excited and open I was to learn and try new things. I want to open up, and try new things with new people. I want to strip down my life to the basics. 

The series above reminded me of the simple joys and beauty in life. Calling to my inner hippy again. I want peace and joy, not this continual strife to get through "another damn day". Life needs a bit of waking up, I'd say. Life needs a little bit of living. I want to be a person that encourages that, and lives it out herself. I encourage you all to remember the beginning and start of something that you love and adored, and has now become simple and mundane. 

Passion, is what it is. I'm pushing myself to just take some time to live and breath it.

Today I Am Alive

Today I am alive.
Oxygen enters into my lungs.
Blood pumps throughout my veins.
A head on my chest, or a finger on my wrist can assure that my heart is beating.

Today I am alive.
My smiles are because of the beauty I live for.
My aching legs and feet are those of many new steps.
My blinking eyes are tired, but refuse to close completely until my work here is finished.

Today I am alive.
Who do I want to be?
I want to be joy.
I want to be love.
I want to be kindness.
I want to cherish.
I want to hope.
I want to be peaceful.
I want to respect.
I want to lead.
I want to let go.
I want to be.

Today I am alive. And it is resounding to depths of me I have not seen before.

Today I am alive.
What am I living?

Today has felt overwhelmingly long. I'm not sure what's going on, because I slept in until almost ten, cuddled and worked with my partner and boyfriend, worked for four hours, and spent time with Christopher, Taylor, and my dear sister Nikki. Who knows? 

I was planning on making my next blog an outfit post, but since I was in pajamas and work clothes all day, I decided against that. So I'm going to start this "blog remix" with a few things that have truly inspired me lately. Something about the springy/summery time seems to really bring out the hippy in me. Can't wait for this wind to die down in the area, so I don't have to wear a thousand layers just to stay warm.

(source)

(I don't have the original source photo, and can't seem to find it anywhere! If anyone has it, please share!

I want my hair to look like this. For real. I plan on doing it in the near future.

(source)

This outfit is so cute and Summery!

(source)

(source)

I have ants in my pants for this date. I cannot wait.

(source)

Christopher recently went to Canada with his best friend Taylor to shoot a wedding. Although I was unable to be there, I did get to see the beautiful pictures! Chris just got two rolls of film back from Richards Photo Lab and we both fell in love. What an incredible company!

(source)

These trousers are just too great!

Working at Starbucks has opened up so many doors to the little coffee nerd inside me. I love coffee, but not like I do now (Goodness! It has only been a week!). I'm already starting to feel the coffee snob in me come out.
Today, Chris gifted me with a new mug (always some of my very favorite gifts from him!), so we went a head and french pressed some Tribute Blend. We both drank it black. It's just too good not to share.

Today is Earth Day, and Good Friday.

I hope we all get the chance to remember the one that not only died for us, but rose again for us. Jesus, Jesus, Jesus. His name resounds in my achey soul tonight.

Good Night.

(p.s. please forgive my awful template of the moment. I promise I'll work on getting on board with all the shweet things I can do to personalize it.)

A Great Many Things

I was reading a blog that quoted Little Women.

Jo March: I find it poor logic to say that because women are good, women should vote. Men do not vote because they are good; they vote because they are male, and women should vote, not because we are angels and men are animals, but because we are human beings and citizens of this country.
Mr. Mayer: You should have been a lawyer, Miss March.
Jo March: I should have been a great many things, Mr. Mayer.



I should have been a great many things.


I work at Starbucks. Yet I am also a photographer. I am a person of habit. Yet I am also a person of adventure. I am a person of security. Yet I am also a person who loves stepping out of her comfort zone. I am productive yet lazy, I am loud yet shy.


I am a great many things.


I have spent a lot of time, in this past year and more trying to be one thing. 
The girl that is quiet and reserved, laughs loud, wears hippy clothes from goodwill, and reads a lot. I have taken a lot of time to have the "role" and "look" of a photographer.
But that's not who I am.


I am a great many things. 
And I do not want to be anything less.

That being said, I want to act on every. single. one. of. my. passions.
If you know me deep, you know that I could spend hours on end browsing fashion blogs, "window shopping" online, and much more.
I. Like. Fashion.


This blog is going to get a little remix. Kind of in a huge way, but at the same time not really. My words will still be much the same. They will simply be more frequent.
I am going to start posting fashion things. Things that I wear, things that I find and adore of other people wearing, inspiration lists, and wanted lists. 
I am going to post photography inspiration. I want to take photos more, and act on and share the photos that inspire me. 
I want to be a blogger.
My blog will be a reflection of the great many things that I am.
Fashion. Photography. Words. Inspiration. Everything.


I don't really know where I'm going to go with it, or how it will end up, or what it will look like, but it's going to be something very different for me. I want to open up and let a light shine on all of the great many things that I am.


I am a great many things.
Get ready to know them.

It's Been One Year.

I don't know what I was thinking when this began. All I remember was feeling like perfection must be met. I remember feeling like I had screwed up everything else, every relationship I had had before, that this one was going to be, had to be, perfect. We would sit down for a coffee date, intending only to sit and talk for hours on end, and I wouldn't know what to say because I had formed an idea in my head of who I had to be for him. Not in a weird, or extreme way. But I thought that maybe, just maybe, he had this expectation of me that I couldn't meet. So the words I spit out couldn't be spit out- they had to be a finished and full thought that opened up beautiful windows and doors and he would be precisely blown away by in a perfect sense that he just couldn't imagine his life without these brilliant things that were consistently spewing from my mouth.

Good Lord, I was so selfish.

I was so intent on glorifying myself, that I had to be perfect for him because I was afraid that he would leave. I was afraid that if he saw how young I truly was, if he saw how naive I was, if he saw how wounded and broken I was, he wouldn't want to stick around. So I tried to be someone that I wasn't.
And where did that bring us?
Many silent treatments from me that were patiently forgiven every single time by this wonderful man.
One day it hit me. This summer, we had gone to Jives for coffee, and it turned out a big mess because I just shut down. Like every time before. And we were mad and not talking when his Mom came to drive us home.
I couldn't even look him in the face, I was so ashamed.
And he stuck out his hand. And when I held it, he pulled me to him, and held me in his arms. No words were shared, but there was an understanding- I was so horribly sorry, and he had forgiven me. All I could think about was God's love. If someone here, on this Earth, could forgive me of this foolishness I was, and make me feel so forgiven and happy- how does God love me?  

And since then, it has been a rocky road. A messy, beautiful, intentional rocky road. Chris has learned patience above all else- giving me time to open up and share. He has supported me in times that I was shy and timid. He held me when I was broken, and could handle no more defeat. He has taken my hand, and prayed over every date we've had. I know that he has warred for me in prayer, and I have done the same for him. He has taken on a lot of work in our business, because I don't have the knowledge or tools to currently do so. He has driven many miles to see me in (what I like to call) Kansas, even if sometimes it was just to drop of meds we didn't have, or food I was craving so badly.
This guy. This man.

Gosh, I wish that there were words to describe where we are now. The decision has been made, and we have chosen to walk closer to God, right by each other's side. Forever I am going to love this man.

I am incredibly proud to say that this man is who I love. I am proud to say that this man is my business partner. So proud that he is my best friend. My buddy. My mister. My Christopher.

And above all else, I know that forever he will be leading me and pushing and pulling me closer to Christ. It's what is most important to us, and we will never allow the other to grow stagnant. And that, there, is a beauty like none other.

I am blessed, truly blessed, by this man and the things that he has willingly done for me that others would do either begrudgingly or not do at all.
I am madly in love with this man. In love with his Starbucks working, awful accent imitating, passionate picture taking, milk drinking, heart bigger than his own chest having, loud singing, simple loving, self. 

Never Alone

There is something really big, and really special, about realizing you are not alone.


A few nights ago I had a run in with long lost trauma. I spent my day alone, feeling crummy, and only isolated myself more. (Oh, Melodie, haven't you learned this lesson yet?! That is forever a bad idea!) In doing so, my mind wandered to places I have long since visited and it brought me to a dark, dark place.
I texted and called one person that means the world to me. This person was dealing with some heart things, and knew, if anything, they would hurt me by attempting to be there for me. So they told me they needed to be alone.
Goodness, it hurt!! 
So, I continued to text and call a few other close people in my life, simply stating, "I need prayer."
This then brought on many questions about my well-being, and heart, and the war Satan was trying to bring me into, and the only One who could bring me out of it-no matter how long or short it would take.


At first, I was annoyed. I didn't want to hear any of this. It was really the last thing I wanted to hear. 


But it worked. Because with the prayers, my heart began to seek, as stated above, the Only One who could fight this battle for me. I began to draw nearer to Him, in actions simple as (slightly being forced, as well) asking my sister to stay the night with me.


After this event, the "word" got "out" to my family, and they began to pull me closer to them, realizing I was hurting. Dear friends called me to their home, just to talk and talk and talk (and perhaps eat comfort food as well). Christopher held me and prayed with me for long amounts of time. And through all this, I realized the network of people I have in my life. When a friend asked how they can be praying for me, they actually wanted to know about my heart and soul.


Christ showed me (and is continuing to show me) that through Him, I am not alone.
Chris was just telling me tonight about his shifting perspective of community, that the reason we feel so connected to certain people is most often because we were (and still are) connected by the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ.
And no matter where we go, who we become, the battles we fight, the laugher we share, no matter what, that connection does not go away.


Let me repeat that.


The Christian friends we have, close or not really, we will have for the rest of our lives.
Because of the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ.


We believe in each other, because He first believed in us.


Moral of the story-
I have a lot of people that passionately care about my well-being (whether it be spiritual, physical, emotional, whatever). 
I just have to let them know when I am in need, or when I kneeling in awe of our Father.


We are not alone. There is never a moment when we are alone.
Sometimes, it's hard to see God in the face of danger. But I believe He puts community in our lives so that they will help us fall at His feet in desperation. That they will prayerfully demand the lies out of hearts and minds so that we can clearly see the face of God.


Never in our lives are we alone. Not only because the Holy Spirit is always in us.
But because we have a community, a network, a family, that is much bigger than we can even begin to comprehend.