Thursday, May 13, 2010

Pain In My Mouth

I have had a sore in my mouth for about a week now. Right in the front, down where my lip is. And it's just been sitting there, and hurting a lot.
At first it seemed like a pain from not moving enough-like you know when you sit criss-cross-apple-sauce for too long, and it hurts your legs? It felt like that pain. So I tried to move it more, stretch it out, give it some excercise.
But it just wasn't working.
So then I assumed it was from the excessive amount that I've been chewing on my lip. But then I realized that I chew on the side of my mouth. Not down low, where the little piece of skin is connecting your lip to your gums.
So, I thought maybe it was that. Maybe I ate a chip wrong, or maybe it was cut a little bit.
But that just wasn't working either.
Everytime I brushed my teeth, or opened my mouth, or moved my lip, or chewed on my lip, or ate some food-it HURT. And it really was messing with me.
I couldn't even focus on my book because I was trying to figure out where the heck this pain in my mouth was coming from.
Finally, I started ignoring it. I figured the pain would eventually go away, and so I let it hurt, and I just drank up some water and tried to pretend it wasn't there.
Bad idea.
It just kept getting worse and worse and worse.
Finally, today, sitting on the computer, I was rubbing my finger across my bottom teeth (the pain had reached to soreness in my teeth, even. I promise I don't just sit there with my fingers in my mouth.), when I felt a sharp pain going right across the front.
WHOA. THERE IT WAS.
I went back over it. Each time I went back, I couldn't feel it anymore.
Gosh dangit, I thought I had it.
Then, I was rubbing my finger across my gums, and right when I went to the front, ouch, there it was again.
found it, I snickered to myself, because I knew that I had finally figured this sucker out. (I even secretly laughed a mad scientist laugh in my head, as if I had just found out how to destroy the world. But alas, I had not. Just the pain in my mouth.)
There it was, a cut, right in the front, in my gums.
Now I knew how to take care of it, not mess with it, and just allow the healing to begin.

And then I thought to myself- this is going to be weird, but I can totally apply this to real live life!
Sometimes, I feel like I'm searching and searching and searching for the pain. I'm trying to poke and prod and find out where it's coming from so it will just go away.
When that doesn't work, I ignore it. I pretend the pain isn't there, and I push it to the back of my head and heart.
And then it sits there and festers. It's really gross, and nasty, and hurts way more than if you would have just found it in the first place.
But then, when you finally take the time to calmly nurse the wound to health, you find it. When you're rubbing the spot where it hurts-there it is. An obvious cut, right in the front.
And now that you know where it is, you know how to heal that spot-the right way.

I hope you know where this story has lead to.
Let it mean what it does to you.
But what it means to me-
God has it under control. God knows my wounds, and my pains. And until I am willing to pay attention to those wounds I want to ignore-God will allow it to fester until it is healed.
God is the only one that can heal.
You just gotta be able to address the fact that it's there, and you're ready to fix it.

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