Saturday, April 3, 2010

Love

Today, I found out what love means.
Of course-I've always known the definition. I've always known the meaning behind it. But it was all such head knowledge. It's been so long since I have felt love from another human. It's been so long since I have felt sincere love from people on this Earth. Today, I was provided with that.
There is so much that I would like to write here, and yet words simply cannot describe it to the extent that I would like them to. So I am going to do my very best.
My Mom and I went out shopping-just the two of us. We simply sat in silence, and talked when words were needed to be said. The music was not loud, just a low roar in the background. We drove along, words not always being said. But simply, just simply, enjoying each other's presence.
I went to Alyssa's house, and we talked like we have not talked in so much time.
Alyssa, Chad, Chris, and I went to California Pizza Kitchen. We laughed like I have not laughed in so long.
Yesterday, Chris was able to meet my family (Uncles, Aunts, cousins, grandparents). He played with my four-year-old cousin as if he would never get the chance to again. He laughed more than I have ever seen him laugh. He put up with my grandma like no one but us Pruitts can. It's impossible, to explain to you the level of love that that forced into my heart.
Tonight we went and saw The Thorn. I've never seen it before. I know, so many people are bitter about New Life, and everything big and showy they do. But I have to be honest, and saw it was a fantastic show. I cried tears I have not shed in years.
This is my first Easter.
This is my first Easter as a woman of God. As I sat there, I was not saddened by the fact that Jesus was whipped. I was saddened by the fact that he did that for such a people as you and I. When was the last time I sat in that? When was the last time I read the story of Jesus' life, death, and resurrection?
It's been so long. Last Easter, I was still not thrilled. I was still confused. Still broken. Still not truly trusting and believing.
But this Easter, as I sat arm in arm with Chris, it sunk in.
Jesus died for me.
Jesus died.
for me.

I don't know how anyone could know that, and not fall on their faces at His feet and praise Him. His love for us exceeds anything we could ever imagine.
Here I am-in the best relationship of my life. I can't even tell you the amount of love that Chris makes me feel. I can feel it in his gaze. I can feel it in his touch. I can feel it in his words. I feel it simply in his presence. My heart explodes with the thought of him loving me.
And yet that love is not even close to the way that God loves me. It does not even compare in any way, shape, or form to the amount of love and forgiveness God has given me.

One of the many things I am learning from my relationship with Chris-is not so much the fact that he loves me. But more of the fact that I have been given the chance to love him.
And that's such an image of Christ.

I, a completely undeserving human being, am loved with the fullness of the creator of the universe. And He has given me-time and time again-the chance to love Him in return.
I cannot count the times that I have "come back to Christ". But a few months ago, that night in Stephanie's house, changed my life. And ever since then, I have been living for Christ.
I absolutely am not going to take advantage of the chances I have been giving. I can do nothing but praise and worship Him, because He has been so good to me.
Instead of spitting me out of His mouth, instead of throwing me to the curb, instead of leaving me to a life of loneliness, failure, and worthlessness-he gave me new life. He healed all my wounds, He recreated my heart, and washed away everything.
I have been given the chance to love Him-the man I rejected for so many years.
I have been given the chance to love Him.
And I absolutely am going to love Him with everything that I am.

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