Monday, March 1, 2010

Past.



I'd like to believe that these two weeks are going to get me to my one and only goal. I'd like to say that this situation doesn't come with a lot of baggage, but it does. I'd like to say that this will be easy, and I'm positive I won't be filled with uneasiness. But I know it isn't true.


I went to coffee with Alyssa today, and she had a lot of good points.

I need to get over some things. I need to forgive some people I have yet to forgive, and ask forgiveness from people who I have hurt. This is not easy.


I don't know what it is, but I am really bad at forgiveness. Even seeing God's complete forgiveness and knowing without a doubt I am forgiven-it's so hard for me, as a human, to forgive people.

I carry a lot of baggage. This was not made known to me until today. Alyssa said to me, "I went through, and wrote letters to every person who has hurt me, and to people I have hurt. I put on some good music, and spent the whole night crying and writing out 'screw you' to the people who have broken me down. But at the end of those letters, I wrote 'I forgive you'. God, the creator of the UNIVERSE, can forgive ME-I, a mere human, can forgive someone who hurt me once or twice. I took all those letters, taped them up into an envelope, and got rid of it."

Guess what? Tonight looks like it's going to be a good night to do exactly that.

Because before I even start thinking about someone else, and what and who we can be together, I need to forgive myself for my past.

I know this doesn't make a whole lot of sense. I just wanted to throw it out there that God is a God of absolute forgiveness. And so we, as humans, can forgive the messes we have made through our own self-absorbed actions.

I hope you know this. I hope whoever reads this, you will take the time to get rid of the baggage that is weighing on your heart. And I don't want you to take one look at yourself and say, "I have no baggage," and move on. I want you to dig deep into your heart, think about who you are, who you were, and who you want to be. Are there things you need to forgive? Are there things you need to ask for forgiveness for?

I'm not saying I have no baggage. I'm not saying I have done this. Because obviously, if I had, I wouldn't be so scared to take this step if I had forgiven the people in my life who hurt me. I wouldn't have waited this long to take care of it if it wasn't scary. It's scary. It's frightening. And it is not something that should be avoided.

Seek God, seek what He wants for you to rid of in your life.

"The past is a place of reference, not residence."

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