Wednesday, February 3, 2010

The Greater The Mountain, The Greater The Lesson

Ice cream parlor. The workers with dreary faces, everyone impatient because I cut to the front. I ordered my ice cream. Frozen in my hand, I walked over to my friends. Looks of excitement filled their faces, The sheriff was sitting with them. "What's up guys?" I asked, as I pulled my chair out and sat in it backwards. People groaned at the screeching noise it made. They didn't acknowledge me, but simply continued on. The sheriff kept talking, "Whoever works for me gets the book for the day." "No way!" my friends gasped. I was confused. The sheriff looked at me and said, "Knowledge. Answers. Wisdom. All in one book." My heart started to pound, an animal trying to break free from its cage. Still somewhere it didn't feel right.
Flash forward a few days.
I'm standing at a library, a book as high as four. The pages were old and ancient, but when I flipped them, they were still crispy, like it was hardly used at all. My mind began to turn. Everything I've ever wanted, here in this book. I flip it open to the middle and begin to read.
Flash forward a few hours.
I'm sitting at a table, my head down, hands through my hair. My nose feels dried out from the continuous mothball smell I cannot escape. My wrists are tired, from trying to write down everything I can. So I am able to do EXACTLY right in every situation. Everyone that walks by looks in awe, they want to see. To know. But I am beginning to wish I never started.
Flash forward a few more hours.
I feel as if I am going to scream. My mind has no way to process. Write. Write. You need answers. I bgin to be desperate. I know my time is running out. I have to know. I begin to feel suffocated, I know the feeling. Tears well up in my eyes. My throat burns. I throw down my pencil and shove myself into my seat. I'm a failure. I don't know everything. I will enver be able to remember all of this. I'm going to be broken and hurt for the rest of my life.
I lean over and the tears begin to pour out.
Stephanie has been across the library watching me all day. I haven't noticed until she walks up to me. A stranger in this dream world.
"What's wrong?" she asked.
"I can't do this. I'm overwhelmed and I'll never know what to do in any situation. I don't have answers, and I'll be just like everyone else, living and breaking and hurting. I don't want that. I want answers. I want to know what to do and where to go. this stupid book is so big, there's no way I can read it in one day, much less know it," I spilled out.
She leaned down, and placed her hands on my shoulders, "Look at me."
I avoided her gaze.
"Look at me," she said again. I looked into her eyes.
"No amount of knowledge is going to get you anywhere. You have to experience the journey on your own in able to know. No book is going to give you every answer, or tell you where to go. Your heart is where the Spirit lies, and that is all you need. I know it hurts but the climb is all worth it. And remember,
The greater the mountain, the greater the lesson."
The room began to disappear around me. "Where are you going? Where am I going?" I cried out.
I was standing in the middle of a field. Green, flowers. All of it, flat land. Cracking. I heard it. Like something finally breaking free from its shell, held in for so many years.
I turned around. Right there, before me, a mountain began to rise. Bigger and bigger before me, until my eye could not even reach the top.
I fell on my knees and wept for the freedom I felt.
My eyes fluttered open, struggling between the world of dreams and reality.
I sat up as fast as I could and jotted down my dream.

1 comments:

augustine said...

life-bumps.
still.

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