Saturday, January 1, 2011

Deer In Head Lights Beginning



It's exactly fifty nine minutes into the New Year as I begin this, and I feel like a deer shocked and hypnotized into the headlights of an oncoming car.
Except the car has hit, and I didn't feel a thing, and I'm still staring blank eyed and blank brained at absolutely nothing but something that has already come.


Goodness, it is 2011.


My goals for next year are not to lose weight, or work out, or be a better person. My goals have yet to be written. Perhaps, I will choose to make goals as the year goes on (because, well, it's not that important to me to make them on the New Year).  But what do I have in mind? 
An assortment of words to myself:


There is no one like you. There is no one like Him. Trust that, and believe that. 
At the beginning of this year, you placed God entirely first. You spent each and every day seeking Him. You thrust your arms toward Him, and begged for Him to hold You. And He did. Oh, how He did.
You took a leap of faith, even taking the time to question if dating was an option. That was a leap. And God caught you. Keep leaping, Mel. Keep seeking and begging for Him. Because He is entirely there, and entirely loving.
Winter was beautiful, and Summer and Spring and the beginning of Fall brought new things. You were challenged beyond your comfort zone. Words of advice? Take chances. Don't let a person become who you depend on. Let your heart do the talking.
Stephanie moved out, and it was hard for you. You did everything you could to just be normal again, but you were forcing things to be like it was when she was there. And it was just too hard, so you gave up. You gave up on a lot of things in this past year, stop doing that. Remember how you look back on those things and wish you would have done something different. Remember that that's not easy. 
Along with that, make people a priority. You claim to hate people, but you are entirely fascinated by the hearts and minds of those around you. Go out of your comfort zone, and ask one person to coffee a week. Your passion is people and you know it. 
You also started school this year. And when it began, you were so excited and refreshed and pumped about finally getting back into things. But as the year went on, you lost your excitement. And you ended up with just barely passing your classes. You are passionate about learning. Do your homework. Don't lose that excitement. Don't miss classes. And love a couple strangers. This coming semester and year is going to be much harder than the first one. Embrace it, and love it.


Near the end of the year, you lost sight of a couple things. Your path went a little wobbly down a path that you didn't intend to be on. Encourage yourself to set your focus on the only One that is worthy. Let your goals and passions and risks and questions and hurts and confusion and everything else lie in the hands of the only One who knows you. The only One who knows who you are meant to be. 
Set your eyes on Him. Continually zoom out and get a better focus.


Don't ever stop shooting. Photography is something that has unveiled more emotions for you than anything else. You have been able to see the hearts of many from this gift God has given you. Shoot a trillion times more than you did last year. Don't be afraid, just keep shooting. This is important. This is just as important as this blog, and every single journal entry.
It is your outlet. Don't ever be too scared.


And last but not least, live. Live in your passions. Live in your questions. Live in your life. There is nothing more beautiful than the path God has already planned for you. Be confident. Stop shying behind people because they overwhelm you. Be overwhelming. Overwhelm yourself. Let love win. Let your heart outside of your skin. Wear it on your sleeve at times, and others guard it with all you are. 
Your heart, your mind, your soul, your body, are beautiful. All your bits and pieces that don't seem to match up, well, they do. Find it. And be beautiful. Let yourself be full. Because that is how God wants you to live.
Live it up this year. Live it up glorifying Christ. 
In the words of Katy Perry, whose song I have had stuck in my head since midnight last night, 


Baby, you're a firework.

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